Comfort Zone

Isn't it interesting that we always want to crawl back into our comfort zone? Even if our comfort zone is uncomfortable, it seems better than the unknown. Our mind is convinced that it is protecting us from further harm...that is why we go back to it, that why we don't know how to leave it. Even when what you are going back to is abuse. Even when what you are going back to is getting hurt. If it changed, it might be worse. And anyways, they always apologize.

For me it seems that my husband doesn't even see that he is doing it. It is not a vindictive thing, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. In fact, I think that may make it hurt more. He doesn't see that he is hurting me. He thinks he is being supportive and encouraging as he crushes my dreams and destroys my self worth. He doesn't see that he is hurting the kids. He can't figure out why they act they way they do, but I know...I can see it. The fear in their eyes, even though he has never hurt them physically. The desperation to do anything right in daddy's eyes. Maybe I see it because I recognize it in myself.

It can be really hard to break out of your comfort zone. They say that if you slowly make small changes then your mind recognizes it as safe, and eventually you see the change occur. Baby steps, just keep moving forward.... But what if that is too slow, sometimes you really do need to jump blindly and hope you land in a soft spot! Me...I guess somehow I recognized the emotional abuse a couple years ago, my mind just could never bring itself to let me know. I guess it felt safer that way, just protecting me. And so I have been taking baby steps. Maybe that how I finally got strong enough to see “it” for emotional abuse, to know that I really have to leave my husband. But I'm scared. I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can financially support myself and my kids, but I know I have to.... That's the next step....