I had thought that I had left it, escaped it. By not living with him, by avoiding him, wouldn't I be free? I started building a new life. I brought new things into my life: new possessions as I got rid of the old, new friends as I let go of the old... I worked through my feelings: my sadness, my pain, my fear.. i thought they were gone.
As I sit here in horror watching them bubble up in my mind despite it all, I realize that I had only dealt with some of the feelings, had only glossed along the surface level. The rest must be buried deep inside, in relative safety. The same way I kept everything for so long..
How did I fool myself so well? Why could I not see the fear and pain that is still there? Will it ever end? Will I ever be free? Will I spend the rest of my life trapped by the hauntings that are left buried in my mind?
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